Overcoming Domestic Abuse
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Today is the day many bloggers from BlogCatalog.com are uniting to blog against abuse of all kinds. I don’t have any personal stories to tell as far as any type of abuse, but I hear about domestic abuse frequently and it’s enough to make my blood boil when I do. I DO want to bring attention to domestic abuse, point out a couple of things you can do, someone else working tirelessly to bring attention to the issue, and an organization to which you can donate in order to support efforts to free others from such a miserable existence.
I have a police scanner and I hear MORE about domestic violence than I do ANYTHING on it. Truthfully, sometimes I have a hard time understanding why someone would continue in such circumstances. Then I remember some folks just plain ole don’t feel or believe they have any other choice or they truly believe and hope the abuser will change eventually. In some cases, it starts off so subtilely the abused may not even realize what’s really happening to them for quite some time.
I’m not going to pretend to have any of the answers myself. As I said, I’ve been very fortunate in that I haven’t had to deal with this issue first hand so who am I to offer advice as to WHAT to do to overcome the circumstances? What I CAN suggest, however, is that we support the individuals and organizations that bring awareness to this vile issue and the agencies that CAN lead the abused first to safety and then, hopefully, to a much more stable, peaceful and fulfilling life.
I also suggest any of you reading this that are being abused, please seek help from agencies qualified to help you as soon as possible. You can call whichever number here is applicable to you and get help immediately anytime anyplace. The numbers are:
- 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
- 1-800-787-3224 (TTY)
I also want to encourage you to use the word “overcomer” to describe yourself if you have made your way or are working to make your way physically out of an abusive relationship. The way I see it, if you’ve made a solid decision to get out and are diligently seeking a way out, or are no longer physically in it, you have overcome at least some level of the abuse even though you may still be working to overcome the emotional and mental pain. Making the decision to get yourself out of the situation is “overcoming” any fear that may have been instilled in you by your abuser and fear is a HUGE hurtle to jump.
I see a “survivor” as someone who is still physically in the thick of the situation and “surviving” moment-to-moment, day-to-day, or so on. If you’re working to get out of it or are already out of the situation physically, give yourself credit NOW and claim to be an overcomer! Hold that description of yourself tightly in your heart and mind. Don’t let go of it! You ARE an Overcomer! Take the next step to overcome the next obstacle before you. One thing at a time. You’ve come this far. PLEASE don’t backstep. One battle at a time to win the war. One step at a time to cover the miles.
One of my fellow Baby Boomer Divas, a wonderful lady and an OVERCOMER of domestic violence herself, Jaisun McMillian, is working diligently using her many talents to bring awareness to domestic violence. She has authored several books based upon her own personal experiences. She also produced the film, Behind Closed Doors, which is based upon her book of the same title.
If you’ve got kids or career/work clothing that would be beneficial to someone in that situation, please donate at least some of it to a domestic violence agency/organization. In many cases, when the abused DOES manage to get out, they must leave with only the clothing on their backs, nothing more.
Do you have extra household items? They’re needed in order to assist the abused with setting up a new home. Kids books, toys, stuffed animals? No doubt the children in this situation very much appreciate something to snuggle with for some sense of security, entertain them, and for a bit take their minds off the fact that their lives have been so severely disrupted.
May I make a suggestion for one agency that accepts monetary donations? It’s the Mary Kay Ash Charitable Foundation. The MKACF issues grants to shelters across the country to assist in the battle to save and protect the abused.
If you are associated in some manner with an abuse shelter, look into whether or not your organization will qualify for a grant from MKACF. You can obtain the grant application information from the MKACF website. As of the date (9/27/2007) of this post, the grant application currently available on the site was due to be submitted August 31, 2007. Download and view it anyway so you can get an idea in advance of what information the MKACF will need from your organization.
Do you know of anything else that can be done to help? Please share in a comment.
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I am a veteran of domestic and child abuse. For years I lived in a house filled with violence, and it was not unusual for the neighborhood to hear screaming and cursing, with the most horrible profanities imaginable, on a weekly basis.
I was a child, and I was frightened. Often the violence would spill into the bedroom where I and my brother and sister had run to huddle together and, hopefully, avoid it. Sometimes it worked, but too often it did not. And sometimes, we were the ones that were injured.
I have fought for years to build up my self-esteem, to overcome what I witnessed, what happened to me and to my siblings. To this day, there are times when I walk into a room of people, and have to force myself not to duck my head in shame. Without warning, the humiliation I felt as a child will overwhelm me when I am presented with a situation where a lot of strangers are involved. At the age of 54, I still have dreams of those nightmarish nights.
I wrestled for years with anorexia. I wanted to eat, but I couldn’t. I was so full of anger and hatred, that there was no room in me for food. I was unable to form a decent relationship until my late twenties, when I finally sought counseling.
If you are a parent in this situation, get out. If you can’t get out for yourself, get out for your children. You aren’t helping them by staying in a violent home, not if you want them to be happy and successful, if you want them to have a better life.
Get out. Now.
Comment by Debra — September 27, 2007 @ 3:23 pm
I wasn’t sure if i was ready to share this, my hands already begin to perspire..Abuse, for me, came in many forms and it took a recent course in Counselling for me to be able to see the picture more clearly.
A troubled life as a teenager, I was to face a nightmare that still haunts me to this day. But ‘they’ were strangers, this was my husband.
All the warnings from loved ones couldn’t have prepared me for his final showdown-
We had been separated for a few months, not without drama but on the last move, I thought we were safe. Christmas was around the corner, and as a young mum of two, knew it was going to mean alot of penny-pinching on presents, but felt our home would be filled with much more laughter now that the worst was over. The day was warm, and it was still only early morning. I had planned to get as much shopping done before the mid day heat, my youngest still in a pram.
Off the bus and into the busy crowds of shoppers we headed, never knowing for one moment our lives were in grave danger. My baby boy had been running a fever so the first stop saw us at our local doctor’s surgery. “Just a bad cold” said the GP, a huge relief to me. By 11am my baby made it quite clear he was hungry, so the 3 of us went to a nearby park for our morning tea giving me a chance to rest my sore feet!
Nice and refreshed, we set off to see Santa in the mall. My little girl had her photo taken, all smiles and this seemed as good a time as any to make our way back to the bus shelters. We climbed the same hill, only I was carrying an extra load with all their gifts tucked secretly beneath his pram.
Days of our Lives had just started, I made them some lunch and returned to the kitchen. My clothes line full but on the ground laid a pair of my son’s pants. I had just stepped out the back door when I felt his hand over my mouth. It all happened so fast, but i knew it was him. I tried to scream, my heart racing as fast as my mind…’the babies’..all i remember was seeing the knife which became the weapon used to hold us all hostage inside my home.
Obviously I survived to tell the story…but the sad reality is many DON’T! I could well have been a statistic that day and believe me, the threat was real enough, real enough to see men dressed in black vests and helmets, swarming like flies over our house, all with their own weapons.
After 17 hours, he surrended to their demands, and we were set free….there are NO words to describe what I felt, but I know there are many good folk out there doing what they can to prevent such situations and I admire each and everyone.
I had been married to this man, for a mere 5 years…the violence began a week into the ‘honeymoon’, and progressed from there. ‘Why did you stay?” I hear you ask??? For many reasons, some were as clear as his threats to hurt other members of my family, AND friends. I loved this man…why did he hate me so? So, for the first five years I stayed…I wish I could say more, but this is all I am really able to share. So when you hear people asking “why?”, I say to you, Domestic Violence can spread if not caught in time, and you just don’t know who will be its next victim.
Please show your support anyway you can, even if it means just being an ear to someone reaching out!
‘Why She Stays’
Sting of a slap without reform
A fist closed tight clenching rage
Her flesh weathers yet another storm
Years are not kind from the batterings
They tale their toll
Bruises on skin
Bruises on soul
Contorted reasons on each apology
Her heart will again relent
It’s not love alone that dulls her mind
But the censure of weak consent
Be not her judge for what she stays
There are no rules she’s broken
If guilt be any it lays in hiding
Domestic Violence
Rarely spoken~
Debbie Stevens ©2005
God Bless
Comment by Debbie Stevens — September 28, 2007 @ 7:13 am
I was 17 when i got married. i was head over heals for him. gradually he did every type of abuse he could until one day i got up the courage to leave.
i left him september of 2005 when i was 19. this weekend is my 21 birthday…and i am still haunted by his abuse. i have nightmares of him every night.
i am in a relationship right now with a man that has been mistreated also. so we call ourselves “damaged goods”. we are both trying so hard to put our past behind us, but i believe the pain is deeper than he understands. this website …(http://www.hiddenhurt.co.uk/Types/faces.htm) has litteraly every single thing i was put threw with my ex…and actually fails to mention alot more. if anyone out there can offer me words of wisdom or incouragement…please please please do. i don’t check my e-mail, but i have a myspace account. the name is CyndilFaye. I am the only Cyndil in north FL. God Bless and good luck to all of you
Comment by Cyndil — May 14, 2008 @ 10:03 pm